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22 Nov

Russell was 40 and going through a divorce, so he wasn't seeking anything serious. Shortly after creating his account, he got an alert that one of them had viewed his profile. In order to see more details and contact her, he had to buy credits.When he saw an ad for the dating site Ashley Madison, which boasted 36 million members and the tagline, "Life is short, have an affair," he decided to check it out. Everyday, he received more of these come-ons — until he finally said, "Fuck it." "I'm like, ' Hey, all these women want to talk with me,'" he recalls. As anyone who's dated online knows, this is not entirely unusual. "I just figured they're not interested anymore," Russell says."' Let me go ahead and put in my credit card information.'" Russell paid 0 for 1,000 credits, which he could spend on sending replies or virtual gifts. After a few months of rejection, he didn't bother to log back on Ashley Madison again.

I grew sexually preoccupied, pursuing hookups with my own classmates as well and bragging to my new friends about my mature “friend with benefits.”I missed my first astronomy lecture to indulge him in phone sex.

We set a tentative date several weeks into the future for me to travel down from Rhode Island. Like many Brown students, I took a sexuality workshop, which helped me understand that the feelings I was having were normal — something I’d never learned from my high school education or friends, one of whom told me my behavior sounded a bit slutty.

In the intervening weeks, I went to see my therapist, listening skeptically when she told me it sounded like I was being used. However, my college friends and the facilitators of my workshop failed to teach me one thing: While it is healthy to have sexual desires, it is not always healthy to act on them.

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